RIP Lennon Baldwin

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/03/morristown_teens_suicide_being.html

This really hits home....this boy lived just 10 minutes from us. It is heart wrenching that this ever happens. Bullying needs to end, plain and simple. As parents we all need to sit down today, right now, and explain to our children, on an age appropriate level what bullying means and how if affects people.

Kids may think it's all fun and games now but I have never heard of a grow-up who used to bully be proud of what they did. Most likely them are ashamed of their childish behavior. And only now can they see what affects their actions had on people. It can truly eat away at people for years told come. Almost as a pay back for all the years of bullying they did as a youngster.

I recently heard a story of a father who went into a counselors office at the Feeding Center. He walked into her tiny office and just began to sob uncontrollably. After cried for about 10 minutes he told her he did this. (His son was born with a cleft lip and palate and was missing an ear.) She assumed that he had a relative with a cleft that he passed down to his child. He just kept saying he did this. He told her he used to bully kids so badly when he was younger this was god's way of getting him back.

Parents and teachers need to educate children on what bullying can do to people. The after math of both bullies and the kids that are bullied follow you long into adulthood. It has to stop somewhere because it's never going to go away unless people step up and do something. I know I sound like a broken record but the squeaky wheel gets the most grease! So if you see someone being bullied say something! It's so wrong on so many levels. These poor children are killing themselves!

Thank you Tessa

Yesterday I participated on a family panel at my children's cleft team. We spoke for a group of students studying to be speech pathologists. I was lucky enough to meet a beautiful 16 year old girl who was born with a bclp. The wisdom and maturity this young woman had was far beyond her years. She told the audience that she was once asked if she could go back and be born without her cleft would she. Her answer was no. She told us that it has made her who she is today, it has taught her so many things that many people will never know. It brought tears to my eyes hearing her speak. I worry everyday about my daughter and meeting Tessa made me feel so much more at ease. My daughter is going to be okay and grow up to be a normal teenage girl, worried about all the usual teenage girl things. :) Thank you Tessa

Baby fever

If Babies-R-Us doesn't give you baby fever nothing will! From the moment you walk into the store you are overwhelmed with the smell of a fresh newborn baby. I love, love, love it! I love every single thing about babies. I could buy something in that store every time I walk in. Lucky for me it's close to my house so we go there at least once a week. I just walk the isles aimlessly and reminisce of the good ol' newborn days. They grow so quickly, almost too quickly for my liking.

I have always said that Babies-R-Us and Bye Bye Baby are gold mines! People are always having babies, always. It's a business that is fool proof, it's never going to die as long as people keep reproducing!

They continue to come out with new things. These new things make you wonder how people surrived, even 10 years ago with out them. It also makes you wonder do we really need them? Nope, probably not but they are sure fun to have.

Thank you Babies-R-Us for letting me roam your isles and getting me to buy something every time I'm there!

Baby proofing 101

Well the time has finally come that we had to baby proof the new house. I almost made it a year but no such luck. It happened in what feels like over night. Donato is now in full on crawling mode which lead to the beginning stages of climbing. There were 2 very scary corners on the edge of the fireplace that he found first, so off to Babies-R-Us it was to buy covers for that. And since it's only a matter of time before he finds the outlets, I entrusted the job of putting on the outlet covers to my trusty assistant/big sister Isabella. She took extra care in making sure that they were pushed in all the way and didn't miss a single outlet. (with my supervision of course) Gone are the days of the baby you plop down in front a pile of toys. Onto the new pastures...the baby who gets into everything!

bully this...

I cannot even put into words how sad it makes me that the children of today have to grow up in such a scary place. You always hear about school shootings, bullying and children committing suicide because of pure stupidity. Not stupidity on their part but the part of others. It is inconceviable that a child could feel so badly due to what others have said and done that leads them to end their own lives. They were bullied so badly and felt so alone when all they needed was a friend. Horrible! When I grew up, sure we had kids that were made fun of. I'm sure at one point or another I was the one doing some of the teasing. Thankfully, I was never a frequent recipient of being bullied, but I can only imagine how horrible it can make someone feel.

Someone called Isabella ugly in school last week. Granted they are only 4 and the other kid probably didn't even know what she was really saying, but I lost it. I know any parent would be angry to hear someone called their kid ugly, but it really hits us hard due to the whole cleft thing. All I wanted to do was march into school and ask the kid what the hell she was thinking, then I remembered that I'm an adult and I need to set an example. So I turned it into a teaching experience. I explained to Isabella how we never want to hurt other's feelings. Because just how it hurt Isabella's feelings it would do the same had she said something harmful to someone else. I told her we never want to make someone else feel bad no matter how angry we may be.

It breaks my heart that my children have to grow up in fear. It's so terribly sad that someone else thinks they, for whatever reason, have the right to threaten children in a place they are supposed to feel safe, in school. Today I got word of a suspected gunmen in around a near by high school threatening to shoot children, causing all area schools to be placed on lock down. A few months ago there were threats at my college Alma mater against gays and lesbians which lead to snipers being placed on the roofs of buildings.

Gone are the good old days of letting kids play outside alone with friends on nice days. You have to be on constant guard for fear something terrible will happen to them. I try and not convey my fear to my children rather educate them on an age appropriate level. I want them to be able to experience a childhood like mine, free of worry with the ability to just be a kid. It really scares me what the future will be like for my grandchildren. What on earth are they going to have to worry about? Something needs to change for these kids and fast.

the dumping ground

I don't know about you, but it seems that I am constantly cleaning everyone else's stuff out of our room. Some how, some way the kids clothes, toys, blankies and anything else you could possibly imagine of theirs is always in our room! It's amazing every night I make 2 piles on my dresser, an Isabella pile and a Donato pile, to be returned to their rooms. It would be one thing if we lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment and they shared a room, but no we don't. I could see Isabella bringing her stuff in my room to escape the boy stuff but no. Each kid has their own room. My room seems to be the abyss for children's items, I could start a small consignment store just with the items left in my room on a daily basis! Do you other mommies feel me? Or am I the only one with this unexplainable problem?

the balancing act

It's so hard to find the time to balance "me time" and "family time. " I'm sure all moms have the same problem. I am struggling terribly to lose these last 10lbs of baby weight. It's not going anywhere any time soon. Granted I don't watch what I eat or exercise, but still it came off last time without doing anything. I've accepted that I need to get off my butt and take matters into my own hands, the question is how? I guess what they say is true, the older you get the harder it is to lose weight.

I really want to know how other moms do it. I only have 2 kids and can't squeeze working out for just a half hour in my day. There is always something else that needs to be done. Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, yard work, basically everything except working out gets done around here. I feel horrible about the way I look but do nothing about it. It's a vicious cycle that I am on.

A big part is motivation and truthfully I always have an excuse. I can't completely blame the lack of time and having other things to do. I always find an excuse not to work out. ie: the baby is going to wake up, I have to make dinner, I'm sure you know them all. I would even wake up earlier to get a quick workout in before everyone else gets up, but they wake up at different times everyday, I can't win!

So my question to you all is what works for you? How am I going to find the time and motivation to lose these last 10 lbs? Help. Please.

think you're alone now...

I recently read an article about having a child with special needs. Which is what lead me to write this blog. This is something I have been feeling for a long time now but never talk about. Having a baby with any kind of issue makes you feel very isolated from the world.

People always ask how are things going and may be sincere in asking, but eventually stop asking or just ask because it's the right thing to do. It feels horrible to feel so alone in something that should bring people together. Trust me it's no fun having to stay home because your kid had surgery or miss out on things because you don't want people starring at your baby.

You don't want to really tell your friends what's going on or how things are really going because you don't want to drown them in your problems. It feels awful as a mother to have to lie. You just tell them things are going great when in reality your child was up all night screaming.

The following is not necessarily personal to me but just a general statement. People often asking if there is anything I can do let me know. Well, yes there is something you can do. People never want to inconvieance you so they never ask. It makes us feel weird. So just give them a call and offer! Just say, "Hey I was thinking about coming by what's a good time?" Don't give them an optioin just say I'm coming over! Trust me they want you there and no you are not bothering them.

I can't tell you how many times I've been stuck in the house with one of the kids, feeling so alone because they were having issues with their NAM or cranky from a recent surgery. I would of loved for someone to say they were gonna stop by. It's nice for someone to come over and break up they day and talk about something other then your life's draining issues.

bribery

Don't judge. You know you do it! I'm sure all parents, at one time or another bribe their kids. Either to have them do something or behave a certain way. Whatever the case may be you do what you have to do. And there is nothing wrong with a little bribery every now and again.

The other night I was putting Isabella to bed. She asked me to rub her back, so I did. She didn't like the way I was doing it, she wanted me to actually massage her back. So I did it for a few minutes then told her I was going to bed. Her response was, "Come on Mom I'll give ya $100 bucks!" Ohhhhh Isabella, the things that come out of that child's mouth. Maybe we're bribing a little too much that's she's beginning to bribe me?

The joys of parenthood!

a week ago today...

...a week ago today Donato had his surgery. I remember saying to myself last week by this time next week this will all be over and here we are. I said a prayer this morning with Donato that who ever Dr.Podda was operating today have a speedy recovery like Donato has had.

He's not totally back to himself by any means but he's getting there. I took his no-no's off last night and he crawled away! He crawled for the first time a week after having surgery. I was pretty impressed.

We go see Dr.Podda on Wednesday and I'm hoping for a good report! I think as soon as he gets the no-no's off and gets the hang of drinking his bottle with his new found roof of his mouth he will be a-okay!

We have taken the advice of some experienced mommies and their tips seem to be helping the little man. A Vicks Vaporizer works wonders, for both babies and adults alike. Sleeping elevated helps the little guy and swinging in a swing to fall asleep does the trick! So thank you ladies!

the power of some poop

Last night I was giving the kids a bath, all went well, nothing out of the oridnary. I got Donato out of the bath and my mom stayed with Isabella while I got Donato dressed. Gave Donato to my mom in order to finish Isabella up. She tells me, as I'm draining the water that Donato pooped in the tub. I looked and didn't see any poo. She proceeds to point out a tiny little poo drop, about the size of a quarter on the bottom of his bath seat. Well I don't know what she did, either smelled it or touched it but in true Isabella fashion her poop adversion kicked in! She started dry heaving. Which is what she normally does if she smells a particurarly smelly poo. I know this is all probably TMI, but it's all very relevant to the story. As I always do I tell her to hold her nose, but it was too late. And out it came! Dinner and dessert all over the tub! I guess that's one way to get me to clean the bath tub!

Someone Like You

The power of song is amazing. With Isabella I thought it was just a freak thing that whenever Bon Jovi's Wanna Make a Memory came on her cries would stop instantaneously. It was like magic. She could be hysterical crying and boom, Bon Jovi=crickets! And now with Donato we have the same situatation with Adele. He does the same thing with Adele's Someone Like You. He loves it so much so that even Isabella can sing him the whole song from memory.

One could argue that the baby heard this song while they were in the womb, but no in both cases. Each song came out after both kids were born. I don't know what it is about each of these songs but they work wonders for my kids. So thank you Mr.Bon Jovi and Ms. Adele for bringing your amazing songs into our lives and quieting my children at the same time.

All of this makes me wonder if other mommies expereince the same thing with their little ones? Does your baby have a favorite song that puts them at peace?

quick update

It was 9:50 at night and I finally broke down and let them give him morphine for the first time since this the recovery room. He didn't seem like he was in pain but they told me it would help him sleep. Finally he rested peacefully in his own bed and Mommy and Daddy were able to get some sleep throughout the night.

I'd say he slept about 6 hours in total in his own bed. Which I am very happy with. I expected alot worse but he proved me wrong. In this case I am more then happy to be wrong! We played alot with his toys and 2 plastic spoons I got from the cafeteria this morning. As usual the spoons were a big hit. I think that tired him out because he is finally sleeping again without being held. And that didn't come a minute too soon because I think our arms were about to fall off!

We're just waiting now for Dr.Podda to come in and discharge us so we can go home! He doesn't seem to be in much pain, which I'm thankful for. Thank you all for your prayers! As far as I'm concerned the worst is behind us...onto a life surgery free for a few years :) (knock on wood)

Here's a picture of the little guy...I'll get a better one once his IV is out and he gets all cleaned up!

Prayers for my little man

You would think that things would be easier the second time around. But, nope not at all. I know I've said this before and I'm gonna keep on saying it, ignorance is bliss. This morning I had to do one of the hardest things a mother can do, walked Donato into surgery.

My happy go lucky baby is going to wake up one unhappy little man. I know this is necessary but it doesn't make it any easier. He fought the anesthesia and would not fall asleep. But I was there to hold his hand and sing his favorite song, Someone Like You by Adele. I managed to keep it together until I walked out of the operating room. It was then I lost it. What is the purpose of having a cleft lip and palate? I can't think of anything. God works in very mysterious ways, because I see no good coming from a cleft. No good comes from lots of things this one is just close to my heart.

As I sit here in the waiting room waiting for Donato I noticed these other paretns who were both teary eyed. You never want to ask what is going on but I assumed it was a child they were waiting for. A nurse comes out and tells them they just made the incision and proceeds to talk about putting a pump in her heart. The mother begins to cry and assures her that her baby is in good hands. Suddenly Donato's issues don't seem so major. I always tell myself it could be worse and for those parents it is. Prayers for their little girl.

I ask all who read this to keep Donato and Dr.Podda in their thoughts and prayers this morning. May god guide Dr.Podda hands as her operates on my little man.

laundry, laundry oh my!

It's shocking how much laundry one little man can add to a household. He seems to think it's funny, but mommy not so much. It's not so much the doing of the laundry I loathe, it's putting it away. I will often let 2 or 3 loads pile up before I put them away. I hate it! I don't even mind folding it, it's putting it away! I have to walk to 3 different rooms, 4 if I do towels. I know there are much more trivial things in this world but I'm sure all moms will agree about my laundry loathing.